Mikaya Heart

As a culture, we have tremendous misunderstanding about what love is, and that misunderstanding causes more failed relationships than anything else. But we are also unduly influenced by the culture when we’re choosing a partner, and we frequently prioritise external considerations of eligibility over our own personal requirements of a partner. Perhaps most importantly of all, many of us haven’t learned the art of listening to someone else and we don’t know how to express ourselves clearly so someone else can hear us.

1. Love is not what makes a relationship work. You may fall in love with someone but what will make a good relationship is compatibility and the ability to communicate. It’s really great if you love someone too, and if you have great sex then at least you know you are compatible in that arena – but does he like to live the same way as you do? Does he have the same aspirations and values? Does he treat you the way you want to be treated? In other words, are the two of you compatible? There is nothing wrong with wanting different things in life, but if you hate TV and he wants to spend every evening watching it, a relationship won’t work in the long run, no matter how much you love him or how great the sex is.

2.   Look at him from your point of view, not from the culture’s point of view. He may appear to others to be very eligible (goodlooking and hardworking, for instance)  – but does he turn you on? It doesn’t matter what a great catch other people say he is; if you think he’s boring or dishonest or anything else less than complimentary, or if you don’t like the way he touches you, then don’t waste your time trying to form a relationship with him. You can’t make intimacy work just because your family and friends want it to work.

3.   Clear communication enables you to negotiate your needs, so that you can both work together to get what is right for each other. You want to make it a win-win situation, and you can only do that if you are clear about what you want. It’s about listening without judgment and without jumping to conclusions. Let him have his say and check out that you have heard him correctly. Then state your needs as clearly as you can, and make sure he has understood what you are saying. This means you must think about what it is you need very carefully. Most women are far too ready to give up what they need in order to make their partners happy- and this does not work in the long run, it only leads to resentment.

It’s often in the arena of communication that you will see the first red flags. Is he listening to you? Is he treating the interchange more as a form of competition than a form of cooperation? Don’t gloss over this kind of behavior – you cannot have a rewarding relationship with someone who doesn’t value you enough to listen to what you have to say.

Bio: Mikaya Heart is an award-winning author and a life coach, using shamanistic methods to help people operate from a base of trust instead of fear. She is based in northern California. Her latest book is The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women. www.mikayaheart.org

Tired of attracting the wrong man?  Go to http://antoinettecabral.com to sign up for Antoinette’s Free Audio Series and find out why?

Do you experience the same dynamics in your relationships over and over again? Although while you are experiencing it, it’s maddening and heartbreaking; relationship déjἁ vu actually holds great insight into what you ultimately want to learn this lifetime.

When we live unconsciously our lives run us in a never-ending attempt to hopefully help us learn what it is we wanted to learn this lifetime. Before we are even born, at the Spirit level, we lay out a game plan for our upcoming lifetime that includes exploring and learning certain essential life lessons. These lessons not only help us individually evolve as spiritual beings, but they also help us all evolve as a collective.

If you think back throughout history, consider the evolution of humankind. All of our evolution has revolved around the lessons we learn whether emotionally, mentally or physically – our individual growth means the growth of humankind.

Let’s get back to your relationship déjà vu. Why do you attract the same person time and time again? Even though you think ‘this time’ he’s a totally different guy, 6 months or a year into your relationship you realize you have the same guy all over again.

The answer is really simple, wrapped up in the repeating theme of your relationship is at least one powerful and life changing lesson. If you can figure out what the life lesson is and start to learn it, you can change your pattern where your relationships are concerned.

In fact, the more conscious you become to the insight that all of your relationships hold (intimate, family, work, casual) the more your life will be yours to create.

To help you unravel this mystery, think about the reoccurring theme in your relationships.  Maybe it’s losing your identity, maybe it’s being cheated on, maybe it’s being the unhealthy object of desire.  Whatever it is, write down the reoccurring theme and how it has reappeared in different relationships.  Our life lessons fall in to three basic genres – standing in our own power, speaking our truth or self-validation.  Take some time to sit with these and see if you can figure out what your reoccurring lessons are trying to get you to learn. As you unravel this mystery, you will be able to then work on this lesson consciously, rather than needing it to show up unconsciously in your relationships.

It is only in our unconsciousness that life pulls us along. As soon as you wake-up to your life lessons, you will no longer need someone to push against, or someone to motivate you to learn. You’ll be able to see, unravel, learn, heal and grow however you choose.

© 2012 Christine Agro, All Rights Reserved.

Christine Agro is a clairvoyant, metaphysical expert and author of 50 Ways To Live Life Consciously: 8 tools and 42 Concepts to Help You Live Life Consciously. She is founder of The Conscious Living Guide, a membership website designed to help you unravel your life’s lessons. Get a free copy of 50 Ways To Live Life Consciously when you sign-up as a 1 month member at TheConsciousLivingGuide.com

Are you successful at work, use your brain all day, but on a date, you don’t feel like the two of you connect?  Go to http://antoinettecabral.com to sign up for Antoinette’s Free Audio Series and find out why?