Many women in relationships or who practice frequent sexual activity find that they have some trouble, sometimes, developing satisfying sexual relationships. This is of course an extremely broad statement, as well as one that is only true in certain situations and relationships. Nonetheless, many women in sexual relationships have a hard time developing the kind of satisfaction and comfort that they ultimately want. This can be true for any number of reasons, and focusing on just a few things can help you to quickly enjoy a more satisfying love life.

To begin with, be absolutely sure to be open and honest with your sexual partner. Just like you may occasionally be frustrated that your partner doesn’t do everything he can to please you in bed, he may be equally frustrated if you do not communicate your needs and desires to him. It may seem a bit awkward at first, particularly in a young relationship, but most mature sexual partnerships involve a great deal of communication and developing understanding. Don’t be shy! Tell him what you want, and how you want it, if necessary. Not only will this directly improve your sexual experience, but it will also gain you more respect and power in the relationship.

Next, continuing with the theme of abandoning shyness ‚ do not be afraid to experiment a little bit and try new things. This may mean anything from trying something new on your own to seeking out sex toys or bedroom products from Adam & Eve ‚ the specifics are up to you and your partner. However, agreeing to, or suggesting new things is an important part of any successful sexual relationship, and it is important that you embrace this fact early on. Your willingness and even excitement to try new things can help you to have a more dynamic and enjoyable sexual experience overall.

Finally, and this can be the trickiest one of the bunch to master, do not leave sexual energy and contact purely in the bed room. When you are in a relationship, you are involved with constant sexual tension, and hopefully, desire. So, don’t be afraid to show it! This doesn’t mean that you need to be inappropriate or obsessive, of course, but even doing little things to maintain contact and sexual energy throughout the day can make sex all the more exciting when the time comes. In a somewhat strange way, demonstrating that you are excited about sex can actually in turn make the sex itself more exciting!

Mikaya Heart

As a culture, we have tremendous misunderstanding about what love is, and that misunderstanding causes more failed relationships than anything else. But we are also unduly influenced by the culture when we’re choosing a partner, and we frequently prioritise external considerations of eligibility over our own personal requirements of a partner. Perhaps most importantly of all, many of us haven’t learned the art of listening to someone else and we don’t know how to express ourselves clearly so someone else can hear us.

1. Love is not what makes a relationship work. You may fall in love with someone but what will make a good relationship is compatibility and the ability to communicate. It’s really great if you love someone too, and if you have great sex then at least you know you are compatible in that arena – but does he like to live the same way as you do? Does he have the same aspirations and values? Does he treat you the way you want to be treated? In other words, are the two of you compatible? There is nothing wrong with wanting different things in life, but if you hate TV and he wants to spend every evening watching it, a relationship won’t work in the long run, no matter how much you love him or how great the sex is.

2.   Look at him from your point of view, not from the culture’s point of view. He may appear to others to be very eligible (goodlooking and hardworking, for instance)  – but does he turn you on? It doesn’t matter what a great catch other people say he is; if you think he’s boring or dishonest or anything else less than complimentary, or if you don’t like the way he touches you, then don’t waste your time trying to form a relationship with him. You can’t make intimacy work just because your family and friends want it to work.

3.   Clear communication enables you to negotiate your needs, so that you can both work together to get what is right for each other. You want to make it a win-win situation, and you can only do that if you are clear about what you want. It’s about listening without judgment and without jumping to conclusions. Let him have his say and check out that you have heard him correctly. Then state your needs as clearly as you can, and make sure he has understood what you are saying. This means you must think about what it is you need very carefully. Most women are far too ready to give up what they need in order to make their partners happy- and this does not work in the long run, it only leads to resentment.

It’s often in the arena of communication that you will see the first red flags. Is he listening to you? Is he treating the interchange more as a form of competition than a form of cooperation? Don’t gloss over this kind of behavior – you cannot have a rewarding relationship with someone who doesn’t value you enough to listen to what you have to say.

Bio: Mikaya Heart is an award-winning author and a life coach, using shamanistic methods to help people operate from a base of trust instead of fear. She is based in northern California. Her latest book is The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women. www.mikayaheart.org

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